She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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