just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
