Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
