Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
