I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
