stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize