What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
