if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
