Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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