Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
