Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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