You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
