I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
