Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
