i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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