TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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