two words: eviction party
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
