i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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