I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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