paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
