Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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