i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!