video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....