is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .