I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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