Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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