Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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