So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
