I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
