I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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