I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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