I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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