I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
