I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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