At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
