Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
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i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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