my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
