he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
