Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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