Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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