woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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