I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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