Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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