My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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