dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
