I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it's like iHOP with fire
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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