my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize