So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
