he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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