don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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