I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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