3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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