Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
