You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
