guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
