I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dear god my vagina.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
