Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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