So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
