ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
