I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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