I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i out mim tonsoeep
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
