I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
