that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
