And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
